Seeing light in the dark

To say I've been having personal 'issues' would be putting it rather mildly but the main thing is that I'm addressing them with help from my partner, friends, doctor and, in their own way, my children.

Last Friday I decided to conduct a little social experiment at the same time as taking a break and getting my head together. I deactivated my Facebook account(s) and since then I haven't contacted anyone who hasn't contacted me first, (I'm not the hardest person to find if wanted)...

So how many people have contacted me since then out of around 100 'friends and family'? FOUR!! One of which told me to "man up" when I said that I needed a break to get my head together. Seriously?? Thanks a lot, MATE!! Anyway why would I want to be a man? :-P

Thank fk I have other real friends who are actually a lot more understanding and supportive.

In this time I've been doing lots of reading and watching films and studying *cough*, ok not so much studying but hey a few days off were needed! I even had what I can only describe as a moment of enlightenment at karate when my mind just went totally blank, free of everyone and everything and for a few seconds all my problems just disappeared.

One of my favourite videos is this > Bruce Lee - Be Water, My Friend 
so I thought I'd share, its something I like to have a look at on tough days.

Since I entered the pre-Facebook dark ages, as my best friend put it, I don't think I've ever seen things more clearer. Social networks aren't as social as they first appear and sometimes its good to take a step back and observe things outside the 'circle'. I feel pretty good about life away from it and to only have a few friends to speak to I feel much lighter and life looks brighter.

I'm looking forward to starting my job as a voluntary class assistant next month at the place where I completed a few part time courses before starting my degree. This will hopefully help me follow my dream of becoming a basic skills tutor in the future. On top of this my old numeracy tutor has been pushing me to apply for position of family learning tutor, I'm not a qualified tutor but he seems to think that the qualifications I do have show my potential. It's quite a boost to my confidence but I've had to say no. I'm just about to start my second year at uni and I really don't want to take too much on. After discussing it with my always supportive partner, I've decided to stick with my voluntary position and see what happens over the next year.

Slow and steady wins the race, I'm a firm believer in things happening when they are meant to and not before.

Screw my degree!...

I'm becoming a lap dancer!

Welsh government advice on entering sex industry

Via Google Images

Actually... It could be an interesting way of paying off my course loans....

Sexuality

                                Photo found on https://www.facebook.com/ASI.BDSM

                                                    I think that pretty much covers it.

Student life...

... Is just full of surprises as well as my coming into contact with all manner of different and wonderful people with very similar goals. 

The below link shows one of those marvelous people giving a little insight into life outside of uni.
Barney does 'Sweet Transvestite' - Karaoke after seeing The Rocky Horror Show in Manchester UK.

Look out, Tim!

The cave of wonders

                                       Image found on https://www.facebook.com/TowardTheStars

Coincidentally I found this photo on my Facebook news feed last night, this comes after recently stumbling upon the secrets of a wonderfully sassy and intelligent woman. I wasn't meant to find out but I'm naturally inquisitive and observant, a social scientist in the making, perhaps even a little bit of a voyeur, and I spend a lot of time on the internet going from one thing to another. Because of my curiosity I do find myself in places I shouldn't be, a bit like Alice down the rabbit hole. 

I do believe the internet is rather like Aladdin's cave of wonders, you never know what you're going to find until you start off on your adventure. If I spent more time studying and less time going off on cyber adventures I'd be a frigging genius by now!

There's just not enough hours in the day to be a good student and 'Alice' and, with that, I better get my text books out!

The smug karate mum.

So my family and I have been training for a couple of years, His Lordship used to practice years ago but the spawns and I were total beginners. I have never been the most confident of people, behind a brash exterior is someone who battles with self consciousness and regular anxiety attacks. 

Karate has been one of the best things to ever happen to me, every time I train my confidence improves a little more and I feel a little better about myself. Last week I wasn't feeling too good and didn't train. His Lordship who has been having health problems over the last few months also didn't train but he helped out with the junior session. Now the mums on the side have always treated the junior session like a mothers' meeting in the local cafe and they like to have a natter, some are so loud it gave me a headache and last week I had to leave and get some painkillers. Over the last few weeks they've been really taking the piss and being quite loud... Not tonight!

Before the junior session started Hanshi (The 9th Dan who runs the dojo) gave a speech to be proud of! He gave the kids a good talking to about etiquette and what they need to be doing while training and then he laid down the law with the parents, in a nutshell 'shut the f**k up or be banned from watching!".

Bear in mind that I'm the only mum that trains after the kids have their session...

If I could have I'd have applauded him but in true karate student fashion I bowed with the other students. Then I sat down, looked at one of the mums next to me who knew exactly what I was thinking and then looked at the lady who signs everyone in and takes the fees, she gave me a wink and I grinned back. I looked over the other side of the room just in time to see a 'loud' mum give another 'loud' mum a look that said she'd had her nose seriously put out of joint.

I smirked to myself, took a swig of squash from my bottle and then I helped with the kids before going at it full pelt during the adults' session. 

Life Rebegins

I've enjoyed blogging on and off for a number of years, recently on sites such as this and, in the past, more questionable adult sites. Few people know of my blogs on the latter and it was coming across the 'semi-secret' blog of someone that I know that made me think that perhaps it's time to enjoy a little secret or two of my own while enjoying their own at the same time.

When people ask me what I 'do' my first response is to say I'm a mum and, over the last year, a university student but this is not all I 'do'. This is just the tip of the iceberg, there's so much more that I 'do' and this blog is going to act as a gateway to my many identities that go beyond being a mum and a student...